Unlocking the keys for healthy Christian marriage benefits not only your own life but that of your spouse and your family.
The key to winning in marriage is implementing the truth of God’s Word into our lives in such a way that it becomes who we are as a spouse, a parent, and a person in the world. Christians who desire to have a healthy and satisfying marriage will benefit from these 7 tips for a healthy Christian marriage:
- Understand how marriage is doing as a culture
- Lay the foundation of a good marriage
- Establish a heart of gratitude when it comes to our spouse
- Let go of toxic thinking towards your husband or wife
- Be open to communication with your spouse
- Bring God Into every part of your life
- Prioritize your life in order to bless your spouse
Christians who desire to have a healthy marriage are able to do so when they implement the wisdom of God through the Scriptures.
We, as Christians, are not immune to divorce and it’s important to understand first what exactly is going on in marriage in America.
1. Understand How Marriage Is Doing As A Culture
Divorce is the word no married person wants to hear or talk about, but it’s important to discuss the facts when it comes to how divorce is doing as a culture.
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At first glance, the data seems good, a recent study indicating divorce is down 2.7 per 1,000 people (2019) compared to 4.0 per 1,000 (2000).
It’s important to note here the “but” which is the fact that people are getting married less and less frequently. The most recent study 6.1 per 1,000 people getting married (2019) compared to 8.2 per 1,000 people (2000).
This downward trend of people getting married reflects a culture that is lacking in their morals. The value of marriage and what it means is on the decline.
This theory of deteriorating morals is furthered by the reasons for divorce.
On the top reasons for divorce, the biggest factors are: lack of commitment or incompatibility (43%), Infidelity/affairs (28%), and money (22%).
It’s a head-scratcher to think people are lacking commitment in marriage and are incompatible when they made the decision to marry in the first place.
The reason people do divorce is because of sin.
The inability to commit and incompatibility comes to selfishness.
In fact, so does the next biggest reason for divorce (infidelity/affairs).
When we as humans ignore God’s Word and ignore God’s plan for marriage… we suffer and so does our marriage.
How can I make my marriage work?
To have a good healthy Christian marriage you will need to work at it every day. It’s not going to be something in your life that you can put on autopilot and hope it works out.
2. Lay The Foundation Of A Good Marriage
How a marriage start says a lot about the trajectory of how they will go in the long term. A good healthy Christian marriage where two spouses waited until marriage for sex and have honored God all throughout their courtship will have a far different experience than say a couple who lived together before marriage and cheated on each other.
Not every marriage starts out honoring God, but every marriage can change into one that does honor Him now.
Start With Basics | How To Invite God Into Your Marriage
Bible reading and prayer must be a part of your daily life. If possible, read the Bible and pray with your husband or wife in order to grow even deeper together. Growing in your relationship with God will transform your marriage.
If it’s not possible to read and pray with your spouse, that’s okay too. Everyone is on their own faith journey and in different areas of their walk with Christ.
As you focus on God more in your life, you will gain a better understanding of who God is, what He is about, and how you can live by faith. This will be a blessing for you and your marriage.
The Word of God will guide you in all that you do when you learn to build the godly habit of relying on Him every day.
It’s through this self-willed exercise of going to God for your every need that you will establish a healthy foundation for not only your marriage but your life.
Love & Respect Your Spouse | How To Have A Healthy Christian Marriage
When husbands love their wives and wives respect their husbands, a healthy Christian marriage is the result. It’s through the work of God in each of the partners’ hearts that brings this result about and the blessings that happen are endless.
A lot of Christian spouses get hung up on this simple command.
They say, ‘I’ll show her love when she starts respecting me!’
‘I’ll show him respect when he starts loving me!’
Neither is right or good in God’s eyes.
We must not be focused on what our spouse is doing and instead focus on our own actions and take ownership of them.
3. Establish A Heart Of Gratitude When It Comes To Our Spouse
I heard once that you cannot be angry and thankful at the same time. That reality has stuck with me ever since.
When we are too focused on the wrong thing we are unable to be focused on the right things in life.
God has given us specific instructions on what we are to think about and dwell on.
Does this mark your thinking patterns in your life? In your marriage? Towards your children?
It’s hard not to feel the weight of conviction reading a passage like that. There are so many things that get stuck in our minds and feel important to us in the moment.
Here’s a list of ideas to help keep your thoughts on track for gratitude.
- Is this thought helpful?
- Can I do anything about it?
- What’s a good thing I can think about?
- Does this thought honor God?
You can show your faith more in your life and marriage by living in a state of gratitude. We have to flush out the bad in order to make room for the good in our thinking lives.
Finding Things To Be Thankful to God For
God gives us a world and life full of things to be thankful for if we take the time to find them. The breath in our lungs, the salvation through His son, the providence He provides, the hope He gives, and the list could go on and on.
If you’re struggling with this, sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and write down a list of everything about your life. It can be anything, the car you drive, the clothes on your back, etc…
Then, pray over the list. For each item, go through it and thank God for it specifically.
If you still find this difficult because of your marriage or because of your circumstance, I recommend focusing on the Cross and what Jesus did.
Focusing on the Cross and what God did for us through His Son has a way of cutting right to the heart.
Our spouses should be a blessing in our life that we are thanking God for each and every day, but oftentimes that’s not the case.
Either our spouse is difficult or we have a strained relationship with them due to one reason or another.
Regardless, we have to move into a place of gratefulness for our spouse and God providing them to us. We have to transition away from negative thinking.
4. Let Go Of Toxic Thinking Towards Your Husband Or Wife
The truth about our spouses which we usually don’t think about on our wedding day or the period of time leading up to it is the fact they aren’t perfect.
I know, big surprise… 😉
The truth is our spouse is a sinner.
The truth is our spouse was on the way to Hell before they found salvation through Jesus Christ.
The truth is they’re still a sinner in need of grace every single day.
That’s where you come in.
Being the grace-filled spouse who imitates Christ is going to bless your spouse and make for a healthy Christian marriage that you will cherish all the days of your life.
If you want to let go of toxic thinking towards your spouse, you must live like Jesus and imitate Him towards your spouse.
What kind of person was Jesus?
He was humble and gentle.
Are you humble and gentle with your spouse?
Be Your Spouses’ Biggest Fan | How To Win At Marriage
Becoming your spouses’ biggest fan in life is going to win them over in the long run.
No, I’m not talking about false praise and fake compliments.
You have to remember your spouse knows you better than anyone else and they can smell a fake compliment from a mile away.
In order to be genuine, you must study your spouse.
What does he/she like? What are they passionate about right now? What do they dream about doing one day?
Yes, it’s a lot like dating.
Remember those days?
Where you were so enthralled with your significant other that you were obsessed with getting to know everything about them?
Becoming a student of your spouse and rooting for them is going to win them over and your marriage will be healthy as you actively take an interest in them.
5. Be Open To Communication With Your Spouse
Communication is a vital component to any healthy marriage that desires to flourish. It’s the piece that connects us to one another as husband and wife and it’s through communication that we understand each other.
Relationships that struggle with communication often have spouses or spouses involved that are overly critical or closed off.
When this happens, the relationship can crumble with one spouse not even realizing what is going on.
We cannot ignore a lack of communication in our marriages. When we do, we set ourselves on a path towards a one-sided marriage that serves only one party–the one who is unwilling to communicate.
What The Bible Says About Communication In Marriage
As Christians who are married, we have a wonderful resource that helps us resolve any issue in life–the Bible.
It’s through God’s written Word that we are able to solve the mysterious complex situations we can find ourselves in.
If you have a Christian spouse, listen up.
This piece of God’s Word can help make a real and lasting change in your life if you implement it.
This Scripture is so true and so valuable, and yet as Christians, we often just nod our heads and go, ‘sure, I know that.’
But ask yourself, are you really doing it?
Quick to listen – This is talking about really listening. The active kind of listening that is not waiting to respond in a conversation, but instead, seeking to understand the other person.
Slow to speak – Being careful with the words that come out of our mouth, being thoughtful and considerate of the one we are speaking to in the moment.
Slow to wrath – Not letting our fuse run out, but instead, having patience in those sticky moments where we are upset.
Reignite The Flame In Your Marriage | How Communication Works
Waking up to the same person for decades and doing the same things every single day can make the flame in marriage feel dulled or gone. To reignite the flame in your marriage you have to take an active role as a spouse and mix things up. This will get you two talking.
You have to break the routines.
If you go to the same restaurant every Friday night for date night, change it up.
Surprise your spouse with a fun activity you know they’ll love.
Maybe it’s an overnight trip a few towns away.
Or maybe it’s a movie and their favorite dinner at home.
I don’t know your marriage or your life, you do.
As you mix things up, your spouse will start talking and it won’t be about the weather or the latest trending news article.
6. Bring God Into Every Part Of Your Life
Life is full of busyness. We have jobs, family, meals, church, and so on. If we’re not careful, God and having a priority of Him, can get lost in the shuffle.
If you desire a good healthy marriage, God has to be a major priority.
Because when a husband and wife keep their focus on God, all the rest of their priorities stay in line with what God desires.
Think about it like when you were a child and if an adult was in the room.
You were on better behavior.
While it’s similar, it’s not quite like that, but you get the point.
When God is in our thoughts all throughout the day, that includes our thoughts about our spouses.
God Love Teaches Us To Be A Better Spouse
God’s love teaches us how to love other people. It’s through this love that He enables us to love our spouses the way they need to be loved.
For a husband, that means respect.
For a wife, that means love.
All throughout the life and ministry of Jesus Christ on this earth, we see Him full of mercy, grace, and compassion towards other people.
It’s through this loving act of God (sending Jesus) that we see God’s love on full display.
As we bring verses like the passage above into our lives and allow God to write them on our hearts, God’s love consumes every aspect of our lives and marriages.
7. Prioritize Your Life In Order To Bless Your Spouse
Having priorities in life is important. We have basic needs such as food, water, and clothing, but Jesus told us not to even worry about such things (Luke 12:22-34).
When our priorities as spouses line up with God’s Word, our marriages, and our spouses, will reap the blessing.
What’s a priority to God?
In order to know what God sees as a priority, we must be renewed in our minds through the Word of God. It’s only through this act of renewal, that we can understand God’s will for our lives.
The Holy Spirit is with us and guiding us through all things in life (John 16:13). He will show us what is important to Him.
There is another passage that is important in knowing what the priority of God is for us. It clearly tells us what we are to be seeking after in this life.
The priority of God is for us His creation to seek after Him and His righteousness.
Healthy Christian marriages are founded on the Word of God, lived out by faith daily, and transformed by the power of forgiveness and God working in each of the spouses’ hearts.
It’s only through grace and God’s finished work on the Cross through Jesus Christ that we as Christian married couples can experience a thriving hope-filled marriage that honors God and is a blessing to our families.
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A 30 Day Devotional For Couples That Transforms Marriage
The world’s idea of marriage is very different from God’s design for it. His design is not only beautiful but logical and functional even in today’s world.
Each day in the devotional has Scripture along with a daily challenge that will push you into a deeper relationship with both God and your spouse. View on Amazon
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