“You shared the Gospel while you were drunk and she laughed at you. What did you expect?”
These words echo through my thoughts with a dread my soul cannot bear. “Here I am, Lord,” I called out and call out over and over again, weeping as I plea for the Lord to use me and my life. To only end up sharing His good news while intoxicated. What kind of servant am I?
In my reading today, I read about Abraham and when his wife did some traveling. I wanted to share some observations that were on my heart as I wrestle with my own sin and wrongdoing.
And Abraham journeyed from there to the South, and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur, and stayed in Gerar.
Genesis 20:1
The first observation that stood out to me is the fact he is referred to as Abraham, not his previous name Abram. This wrongdoing that Abraham was about to do wasn’t in his early years of life, it wasn’t before the blessing came, it was afterwards.
To me this illustrates that God, in His infinite knowledge of all things that were, are, and will come, still chose to bless Abraham and his family. It also illuminates the chilling reality that even when we belong to God, we don’t always make the wisest of choices.
Another observation made here in this first verse is the fact there is no clear indication that God told Abraham to take this journey. How often do we take steps forward without instruction from God? Without consulting Him before moving in a particular direction? But what is God’s response? Does he let his servant die? No. God doesn’t abandon Abraham despite his choice to go where he wasn’t instructed.
Now Abraham said of Sarah his wife, “She is my sister.” And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah.
Genesis 20:2
In this verse I see myself so strongly as Abraham doubles down on making his own decisions without consulting God. He already ventured out of the land he was commanded to be in and now he’s lying about who his wife is… why? Because of the fear of men.
Every decision we make is like that of an apple seed being planted in the ground. It’s never the end of the matter, for that seed with grow into a tree and produce fruit. We will reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). I did it by drinking while trying to share the Gospel and many other ways both good and bad and Abraham did here by making the decision to wander outside of God’s command and then choosing to lie about his wife. It not only continues in this story but generations when his son Isaac repeats the exact same sin in Genesis 26.
The lesson that presses in on my heart here is the fact we must be careful about the decisions we make and we must consult God and let Him guide us in all that we do.
But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, “Indeed you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man’s wife.”
Genesis 20:3
Despite Abraham’s bad choices, God shows up and intervenes. It reminds me of being a young boy and my dad always being there for me even when I didn’t deserve his kindness. God’s mercy, grace, and love moves into situations often without our knowing.
Abraham had no idea that Abimelech was having this dream, he had no clue how he was going to get out of this sticky situation and God was doing work on the backend. The passage doesn’t describe the length of time that had transpired and I think that’s important to note.
Often, when we encounter difficulty in this life, we turn our minds toward Heaven and ask God to intervene. We beg, we plead, we hope… Have you been in a situation where you didn’t do the right thing and you’re still hoping God shows up?
That hits different.
While on one level, a person would think that a person who did the wrong thing doesn’t deserve God’s intervention, God’s kindness… God’s rescue. But you know what the truth is? We don’t deserve it even when we do the right thing. God’s mercy and grace wouldn’t be mercy and grace if we deserved it.
It’s my deep conviction that it’s in those moments of prayer where we know we don’t deserve it, we know we’re not good, we know that God has no reason to show us grace and mercy that we have a closer and truer look into ourselves than any other time. For when we are at the mercy of God and know it fully with every fiber of our being, is when we are living in the Matthew 5:3 ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’
We should strive to always be in this state of being, but it can be difficult. For it means acknowledging our slip-ups, our sins, our wrongs. It means us looking at ourselves in a true way, not lesser, but less than God. We should not medicate ourselves with the world to numb the pain of our sins, but instead repent and then let God use them to humble us, to bring us low so that He may lift us up.
And Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, “What have you done to us? How have I offended you, that you have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? You have done deeds to me that ought not to be done. Then Abimelech said to Abraham, “What did you have in view, that you have done this thing?”
Genesis 20:9-10
My heart breaks over the impact of our sins on the testimony we have for God. Here we see the fallout for Abraham as Abimelech shares his hurt and the injustices done upon him. In a moment of fear, Abraham made a decision to lie and in turn caused great distress to come upon Abimelech. How often does this happen in our own lives? One decision rooted in fear that has rippling consequences to those all around us. My heart feels the weight as I think about those moments and how many of them slip by without even so much as a thought on my part unless someone comes and speaks to me directly about it.
At the end of the passage, Abimelech confronts Abraham directly and asks him pointedly for a reason, for a response to why he chose what he chose to do.
We often have these moments in life with people, especially with those closest to us. When we’ve hurt them and they come to us wanting to know why. It’s in these moments we either pause and ask God, or continue down the road of self-justification.
The temptation is to explain it away, to show the evidence of our point of view. Whatever decision you and I make in these critical moments, we must pause to pray and to challenge ourselves. We must ask not whether or not what we thought was true to ourselves, but instead, was this decision guided by God or by myself?
And Abraham said, “Because I thought, surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will kill me on account of my wife. But indeed she is truly my sister. She is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife. And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father’s house, that I said to her, ‘This is your kindness that you should do for me: in every place, wherever we go, say of me, “He is my brother.” ’ ”
Genesis 20:11-13
I’m what most would call a thinker. I like to think through situations and decisions before they happen in order to take the best course of action. This can be good, but it can be dangerous when we don’t take into account God. When we don’t consult Him, when we don’t let His Word and His instructions guide the path ahead. The passage above reveals the heart of Abraham. He was thinking his way through the situation and making judgments based on what he thought instead of what God said.
We will always find a way to justify our actions and behaviors.
The story here in Genesis wraps up with Abimelech giving a bunch of animals, servants, and cash to the family. There was no talk of Abimelech glorifying God or becoming a follower of God, but instead seems to just be trying to fix a bad situation he found himself in.
God was present, even in Abraham’s bad decisions, I think that’s important to keep in mind. He doesn’t abandon us when we do stupid, often He’s working in the background and keeping us from getting killed.
We don’t know how Abimelech would’ve responded if Abraham had been honest in the situation upon his arrival, then again, I don’t think Abraham would’ve even been at that location had he been following the Lord’s instruction. Regardless, we know that God would’ve protected Abraham.
Oftentimes we can end up going the wrong direction for a long way and it’s not because we don’t love God or care about His leading in our life, but instead because we think we have things figured out, we have things handled.
That night I drank and shared the Gospel? It was one night of many at the time. And guess what? I thought I had things figured out, I thought I was doing a good thing by sharing the love and hope that exists in Christ alone. The truth is… I was a long way from God’s will for my life and I had justified every action and decision along the way. God showed up for me in my sin as well. Those weekly drinks became a distant memory as God shifted me away from the area and into new life.
The takeaway lesson here is simple—Consult God, acknowledge and repent of your sin and don’t take things into your own hands or you’ll just make stupid decisions.